Thursday, July 24, 2014

I typed this out as soon as I woke up

Last night I dreamt that there was a huge car accident. Spots of the Earth had sunken in and the cars were toppled over inside of these craters. Cars were slammed onto the sides of buildings. Figures and limbs everywhere and the red ink--

I was with the cops, walking through, trying to find my new apartment. I opened the door and I was back in Seattle. A huge apartment, spacy and empty. There was a bed the size of a swimming pool but I didn't want to sleep in it because I was afraid of being alone and getting lost. Also, it was by the window and I was afraid that a car might slam through it. So, I locked all the windows. 

Empty, the house was so empty and then I needed to take my car and get out. I had to meet the ghost at the restaurant. I could only turn left and I drove a broken square out and out, spiraling until I found the place. It had red brick shutters and the music was like if you could play a woman's scream on a violin.

I saw the blood soaked bedsheets of the ghost and then I knew why the craters sank and why the apartment was so big and empty and I woke up.

Sunday, July 13, 2014


Last month I talked about the meaning that buying clothing has had for me. Overcoming the challenges of the last few years of my life has be very difficult, to say the least. But the change has been about focusing on myself for once. Thinking clearly about the things I want, not what other people want or what other people want for me.
took this pic accidentally, lol

Like a camera coming into focus, I'm starting to see myself. When I moved out to Seattle, I didn't do it for me. I loved Seattle when I got there, but moving out had been like a train crashing into the station. It was all so fast, unplanned. I felt like the man was checking tickets and told me I was on the wrong train. The forces were propelling me away from my goal, making me a pillar for others to step on.

So, buying clothing was for me. About 90% of my clothing was bought in the last year. I've tossed so much out, it's crazy. I've been working on my looks as a part of my self-improvement momentum. I have never been an incredibly attractive guy. In some ways, I feel like that was the downfall of my efforts to start a rock band, but I digress. Lately, I've been buying tighter-fitting clothing. I have been using a new teeth-whitening gel (and it's really working! my teeth have really improved!). I've been doing yoga and working out every day for the last few months. I've made beginning efforts to eat healthier again (beginning, but there's way more to go on that). I want to bring my weight down, for health and dating reasons. 

I think the next big step for me is immersing myself into the social world again. I was sort of going through a recluse-socialite-recluse-socialite phase for the past few months, just depending on whether or not any of my friends were in town. Now, I'm feeling like my reclusive period is almost over. I need to get involved in something. Something nerdy, hopefully. I might go join the STL Writer's Guild or something.

Well, that's as update as I've got for this month. The other big thing for me is the fact that I bought an amazing camera, which I blogged about here.

Thanks for reading, caring, etc. I love you, whoever you are. Don't be a stranger. I could use more random conversations in my life, so feel free to message me.