Sunday, April 23, 2017

Fly up into sky - Pranking telemarketers

I love pranking telemarketers. To be clear, I never call them to prank them. I prank them when they call me and annoy me for my time. Half of telemarketers are just scams anyway, so I love being "that weird call" they had during the day.

*Telemarketer calls me*


Telemarketer - Hello, is this David? Yes? Hello?

Me - Uhyesssss. Allo, oui?

Telemarketer - Hello, I'm from _________ Car Insurance, can I tell you about how I can save you money today?

Me - Of course.

Telemarketer - What's your address?

Me - *ignores question* Can you cover me? Uhyes?

Telemarketer - Tell me, what kind of car do you have?

Me - Ford.

Telemarketer - Ford what?

Me - Helllliiiicopterrrrr.

Telemarketer - Excuse me?

Me - Ford Escort.

Telemarketer - Oh, right, I see--

Me - Ford Escort Helllliiiicopterrrrr..

Telemarketer - Did you just say helicopter?

Me - Uhyes. That's right, a Ford.

Telemarketer - Like an automobile?

Me - Uhyes, autohelicoptermobile

Telemarketer - You have two vehicles? A Ford Escort and a helicopter?

Me - No, I have button, push, then the blades make helllliiiicopterrrrr, fly up into the sky.

Telemarketer - You drive an Escort on the road.

Me - Uhyes, drive on road, push button, blades, fly up into the sky. One vehicle.

Telemarketer - That's impossible. Are you joking me?

Me - No. Now, my address is ______. My zip code is 62220.

Telemarketer - Ok, well we have the lowest rates in the Belleville area--

Me - And my skycode is 7229.

Telemarketer - A what?

Me - For fly up into sky. My skycode.

Telemarketer - Okay. Can I mail you a package on our newest rates?

Me - Uhyes, of course.

Telemarketer - So your name is David? Spelled D-A-V-I-D?

Me - Correct.

Telemarketer - Your last name is Aye? A-Y-E?

Me - No.

Telemarketer - Oh, can you please spell it?

Me - H

Telemarketer - Ok

Me - E

Telemarketer - Ok

Me - L

Telemarketer - Ok

Me - I

Telemarketer - Ok

Me - C-O-P-T-E-R

Telemarketer - Oh lord *hangs up*




-update ROUND 2-


Telemarketer - *calls me* Hello, I'm Jean from _______. Just so you know, this call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes. I'm calling you today--

Me - And just so you know, I am recording this call as well.

Telemarketer - That's fine, sir. I'm calling today to let you know that my company's truck will be in your neighborhood picking up large appliances and electronics for recycling and disposal --

Me - How would you like to be a voice actor in my next animated flick? Please, if you could, say "Waffle cone"

Telemarketer - Waffle cone.

Me - That's good, but if you could say it a bit angrier. WAFFLE CONE!

Telemarketer - WAFFLE CONE! My company is offering a chance to get rid of appliances for free. What can I call you Mister..?

Me - The Director.

Telemarketer - [...]

Me - [...lol...]

Teletmarketer - Do you have any thing that needs being picked up?

Me - OK, so you're an evil ice cream man, and this kid is bothering you for pistachio almond. Say, "That will be two dollars and fifty cents!" with gusto.

Telemarketer - I don't think you're interested. *hangs up*